WARNING: LONG POST

My last blog post was entitled embarrassment but if I had just waited that title would have been much more apt for this one. In fact I’m not even going to write about it but will tell you all when I see you shortly, it involved an old lady, vomit, a policeman and trousers. Anywho today I am going to talk about drinking as last night I was laying alone in my bed thinking of the next bent and what whacky or crazy things we could all get up to. It made me think of all the past whacky and crazy things we have done (drink related) so I thought I’d stick it in a post…no doubt I will have forgotten a few. I have given them all a bent rating but post your own views guys! Four areas have been measured out of a total 5 stars to be added up to create the overall bent rating. Results are displayed in reverse order:


Double Start Double Finish – Every time we started off a big drinking session at the club it had to start with a double vodka and end in the same way. To think of doing that now makes me heave, but we were truly naïve and it certainly kick started the evening. One memorable moment came one summer when we forgot to start with a double Vodka. We ended up having it mid pint and there was silence for a good few minutes after with everyone trying not to be sick.

Expense over an evening ***** Roughly £8
Drunkeness **
Bent *
Overall Heads *
Overall Bent Factor **

Strawpedo – There was a bit of a craze back in 2002/2003 to down a bottle of Smirnoff ice/black ice/reed/vk or whatever was on offer. A great way to start any night.

Expense over an evening ***
Drunkeness **
Bent **
Overall Heads *
Overall Bent Factor **

Bud Cup – A Spin off from Bud season, I don’t think it ever got completed due to people never arranging matches. Some controversy over whether certain Bud’s counted but some classic ties outside of the tennis club in the glorious sunshine.

Expense over an evening ** Roughly £20-30
Drunkeness ****
Bent **
Overall Heads **
Overall Bent Factor ** ½

Death Row Spirit – Not sure how it exactly started but if I remember correctly it must have started around about 2002 when we were in sixth form and before the year above me went off to university. Every one who managed to drink all 17 shots would get their name in the back of the prestigious book. Including a classic entry ‘Gary puked 9.55 Sat’. Death row spirit was completed several times by several different people and even completed twice in one night when J and I hadn’t even planned on doing it. This was even completed whilst working with the not quite so nice ‘back row’ attempted on only a few occasssions.

Expense over an evening*** roughly £34
Drunkeness **
Bent **
Overall Heads ****
Overall Bent Factor ** ½

Centurion – Only ever completed once. A shot a minute for 100 minutes sounds simple but not so easy in practice, trying to fit in a wee inbetween proved difficult, but was an entertaining night at Dazzys.

Expense over an evening *****
Drunkeness **
Bent ***
Overall Heads ***
Overall Bent Factor *** ½

Thumbs and Freeze – Started about 2004 and has been repeated sparingly since. This old classic always turns up on holidays and random nights out. Shoes being placed in mouths, trousers round ankles, and standing on chairs are just some of the classic freeze moments.

Expense over an evening *****
Drunkeness *
Bent ****
Overall Heads ***
Overall Bent Factor *** ½

Bud Season – A fantastic initiative with a hideous amount of drink being consumed. I can't find the facts and figures on any of J's sites but basically we drank as much Bud as we could (well over any guidelines for units consumed per week and we were only little nippers. Unfortunately Gareth was on the Atkins at the time so didn't participate and would have been expensive had it not been free!

Expense over an evening ***
Drunkeness ****
Bent ****
Overall Heads **
Overall Bent Factor ***½

Premium + Shot – The rules were simple, to have a premium lager and premium shot in every pub we went in on a little tour around Pinner. To my knowledge this was done twice around Pinner before the pubs closed down and it became the roughest town this side of Brooklyn. Memorable moments include me volunteering to jump in a trolley ending up in a horrible painful crash and Carl speaking chav to two chav girls on the way home see the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVczPvVmOEA By the way J ended up ditching the trolley in the Pinn.

Expense over an evening *** Roughly £30
Drunkeness *****
Bent ***
Overall Heads ****
Overall Bent Factor ****

Death Row Beer – To my knowledge only ever attempted 3 times. Involved drinking every beer on the bar from one end to another. Tactical puking, arguments with management, horrendous hangovers ensued. Death Row Beer 1 included Stellagate where Gareth was believed to have completed it all until a few days later a picture of a rogue Stella was seen sat next to Gareth while he drank his Guiness. This Death row also saw myself miss out by half a guiness but also included the dreaded Timmy Taylors. I woke up with blood all over me and a very concerned mother asking awkward questions. Death Row Beer 2 saw James complete the impressive feat and downed his Guiness in style, Lawrence disappeared and was out of radio contact for some time. Death Row Beer 3 was only attempted by Gary whilst I was working, it ended up with him being sick on the pool table in front of a packed bar, arguing with the bar manager and getting himself sacked.

Expense over an evening **** roughly £24
Drunkeness *****
Bent ****
Overall Heads ****
Overall Bent Factor ****

Pointless Bent – After J got locked out of his house and went down the Pinner Arms for a few on his own and I went on placement to Lincoln and ended up drinking on my own in a pub on a few occasions we both stated how it was actually quite good fun, to take it to a new extreme the boys organised a trip to London where we would all go and do this for two hours before meeting up again. This has now been done twice with as far as I know only favourable reports. Very drunken and great attendance to both. Memorable moments include Chrissy B going to a jazz concert and raucous shouting in Henry’s bar heckling the latecomers.

Expense over an evening * variable but London quite expensive
Drunkeness ****
Bent *****
Overall Heads *****
Overall Bent Factor ****


Punch – First started at one of J’s infamous gatherings, what better way to warm up for a game with Dr Sparks or a comedy set from the only and only Daz than a feisty alcohol fuelled punch. Spillages, Extreme drunkenness, some Dor’s pulling J’s little sisters friends. Punch was then taken on at Dazzy and my 21st bash where everyone got butfucked and Gary ended up leaving the club due to throwing up. At a summer gathering at Gary’s house an almost pure alcohol punch was created…see the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_SzmXK-1Aw

Expense over an evening ***** Only the host pays
Drunkeness *****
Bent ****
Overall Heads *****
Overall Bent Factor **** ½

Embarrassment

Today I am having a low day, and I’m not quite sure why, nothing particularly has happened that has got me into it but I seem to be getting this feeling more and more often and I don’t like it. It could be how useless my football team is deciding to be at the moment (a loss against Roma may send me over the edge), it may be being separated from friends, family, and loved ones it may be a few disagreements I have had with people recently, it may be a severe lack of funds or it may be something completely different but all I know is I need to snap out of it. I made this decision after watching a rather depressing episode of skins on the internet and deciding to go crack open a bottle of bud. I am now on my 6th and its 5o’clock , I’m seriously considering finishing the crate of 15 tonight and the 2inches of rose left over from last night and the half a bottle of Cobborah red that’s been sat in the corner of my room since Friday. With my first bud I put on One more time by Daft Punk and Cry for you by September (their new one is quite a happy song as well) and it did certainly cheer me up. I have since played them again and another few classics loud whilst searching you tube. I did make a tit of myself though as on the third playing of cry for you I got to my feet and started dancing.. now when I say dancing it was a kind of moonwalk/chicken dance/arm swinging mess that I am sure a few of you will recognise. I looked up to see a student doctor at my door, I had completely forgotten that because I have been home alone for the weekend I left my door open after going to the fridge for my beer. Luckily he is a freak as well and he made a strange gurgling noise raised his hand and buggered off to his room…I shut the door and continued. After tiring myself out from dancing I have now started spinning round in circles in my wheeley chair whilst drinking a Budweiser as quickly as possible. It certainly gives you a head rush but I have started burping rather violently now so may stop….it did bring back memories of J downing a bud on bud cup a few summers ago.

In summary I am still in a very odd/depressing mood but now I am slightly tipsy and have done the physiotherapy profession no favours with the Doctors.

Saturday Sun

Congratulations to J for maintaining the blog a day, it does liven up evenings in Boston when you have something entertaining to read. Shame on everyone else though! 3 weeks ago everyone seemed to be updating their blogs daily...what happened? I haven't got time for a full blog post today so I will try and find something interesting to write about within the next couple of days. Today it's sunny so I am in a good mood. Villa take on Chelsea today and it could be an interesting match for the morale and destiny of both teams. I couldn't really care less which of them ends up in the top 4 as long as Arsenal do, and with Walcott, Eduardo, Adebayor, Cesc to come back within the next couple of weeks and Rosicky not long after (hopefully) I am sure we will. I still believe injury must hit Villa soon especially while they are still in the Uefa cup so long may their cup run continue however out of the two I suppose I would prefer them to sneak in above Chelsea, I met O'Neill when I was working as a sports therapist at Wycombe and he was nice enough to come and have a chat and was a nice guy, shame he continues to jump around like an idiot on the touchlines everytime his team sneak a jammy 1-0 win. It would be very funny if Chelsea missed out with all their money and 'star' players but with Hiddink manager and the new manager effect I am sure they will win today.

Only one week left to go in Boston and it's not been all that bad (by no means has it been great) but I have met a few people that are quite decent, one guy I am living with at the moment has invited me to stay at his house on my next placement in Nottingham for free which would be good, still not sure if it would be a little odd though, I don't quite know what is going on with the women round here either, they all seem a little too friendly...I'm not used to it HELP!!

So I'm back next week and as far as I know Gary, Simon and Lauren have all organised to be away on holiday, J is still working shift work so hopefully I will be out on all of his off days, as far as I know Dazzy, Chops and Gareth haven't been out that much recently so hopefully they are saving themselves for a week of pure bent! Anyway I'm off to read up on Meniere's disease and might go for a walk in the sunshine.

Pointless Football

Tonight the Arse are on Sultana so I will be trotting off on my lonesome to find a pub and do some pointless. The people round here are a little odd so I am expecting some strange looks when I sit down in the pub on my own. This Friday though I have decided that I won't take the trip to my girlfriends but instead go out on the lash in Boston to see what it is really like. So far I have sat here complaining about it...and yes it isn't a nice place to live but I should really judge it on a wild night out. There is a guy who lives down my corridor that seems quite friendly and so we are going to give it a go.

Got a text from J yesterday suggesting a trip to Spain with cheap flights. I am so tempted its really shit I have no money at all. I am pissed off big time at the moment regarding my finances and living arangements so I pledge not to keep whining about it on here. Tomorrow I expect to receive a call from NHS bursary people and if that comes through then hopefully I will go. If it doesn't it looks like I'm going to miss out on yet another fun holiday away. I'm getting really jealous which I bet is making the others that have been scooting off all over the world quite happy! lol.

Just found out that there is no internet connection in Nottingham which is my next placement which as you can imagine I am very unimpressed by. I will have to do some mass downloading of new porn in my week off!

Old People

Hiya, at Nat's so got a decent Internet connection wooo!! Bit disappointed there is no premier league on this weekend it's always a downer on an international break, it simply is just not as entertaining. I'm now half way through my placement and I am getting a bit bored of old people now, I must say I don't really mind them, some of the banter can be quite good, some of them can come up with funny things but the other side is starting to get to me. Seeing things that no 22 year old male should ever be forced to see escaping or being revealed from patients gowns is not a good thing, and then there is the smell. Most of the patients are doubly incontinent and when one gentleman decided he didn't want to see the physio he decided he would open his catheter bag to scare us off....it did!

One poor old lady today thought I was going to kill her bless her she looked so scared. I needed to use a pillow to put underneath her legs but as I pulled the pillow out from under the bed I think she thought I was going to suffocate her with it! I had thought of other things to write but I now have forgotten.

On a final note its Valentine's day tomorrow and I'm sure most of you know my views on this so I won't bore you with it again but it is a bonus not having to get the Mrs anything.... For any of you going out this weekend here is a word of advice. I was listening to a radio show earlier and heard the following chat up line and it made me laugh.

To set the scene.. imagine a club or bar with a group of girls at the bar... Wander over and simply say 'Hello there, would you like to dance? The girl looks excited and says yes. 'Brilliant go over and dance over there then so I can speak to your fit mate' probably doesn't sound very good on here but the dude on the radio made it sound funny! I'm hoping everyone will be updating their blogs soon with lots of gory information on Valentine's day conquests!

Placement

Everything is a little depressing at the moment due to one thing or other, but don't worry I will do my best to keep my posts happy :)

In a previous post on another placement I told of some little gripes I had with people saying things wrong or being generally dumb. Today I was stuck in the office doing patient's notes while I heard nurses and care workers come up with the following gems. Now I am not necessarily all that knowledgable with some phrases however I am sure they merged a few together to make these up.

'Im down the swanny without a paddle' shouldn't this be 'up the swanny' or 'down the stream without a paddle'

The next one she came up with was 'spat the dummy out the pram' is this mish mash of 'spat the dummy out' and 'threw the toys out the pram'.

The best of the lot though 'you shouldn't count your chicken until they are hens'. Seriously you may laugh but they were so annoying. I also had to have lunch with three 50somethings all discussing their love life. I almost threw my dinner up. The conversation was on their sons and what they as mothers allow them to do...the conversation moved on to letting them have girlfriends over when the fattest Occupational Therapist aged about 60 said 'well we make more noise than they do'.

Anyway I'm gonna sign off now as I'm in a foul mood and don't think this is reading very well.

Unlucky?

Now I know I am biased but I have to say I do believe Arsenal have been extremely unlucky over the last two seasons. Yes this may not compare to teams such as Newcastle who constantly struggle with injuries or Portsmouth who lose their manager and sell all their decent players but in comparrison to the teams Arsenal are competing with we have horrendous luck. Forgetting last season which has got to be one of the unluckiest of collapses ner the end of the season let's just focus on this season.

GK Almunia - No major problems
LB Clichy - Not playing well but nothing to do with luck
CB Gallas - Makes a ridiculous outburst to wreck any team spirit we may have had
CB Toure - Obviously has been affected big time by his centre back team mate
RB Sagna - Never quite been at his peak since his injuy last year.
LM Rosicky - Been out for well over a year has been a massive loss for us.
CM Fabregas - Injured in the Liverpool game - a big loss at a key part of the season
CM Song, Diaby, Denilson - Between all of them regular minor injuries have meant Cesc has no regular partner
RM Walcott - Described by Fabio Capello as England's best player and got injured just when he was starting to get to his best
ST Eduardo - Nuff said
ST Adebayor - Crocked in the Tottenham game

On top of the injury list there has been some ridiculous refereeing decisions - Webb sending Adebayor off against Liverpool, Dean's decision to disallow Eboue's goal against Spurs. There have been more i won't bore you with. Yes other team's have had their injuries (Rio, Carvalho, Rooney, Drogba, Torres, Gerrard) but I doubt any team challenging for trophies have had as many injuries to as many key personnel.

I'm sorry for not blogging sooner, my internet in this room is incredibly awful so it won't let me blog. I kept all my posts but don't think many are worth putting up now so I will try to keep it as up to date as possible.